An FOH Meeting That Will Never Happen
by Red Witch
Summary: The title is self explanitory. Just an idea I had.


**I don't own X-Men characters. Sorry. I just had a strange idea in my head I needed to get out. This story could fit in any of the X-Men universes but I think it fits best in the comic version because they haven't shown up in the Evolution universe yet and all they did in the movie version was run around shouting with placards. **

**An FOH Meeting That Will Never Happen**

"I hereby call this meeting of the Friends of Humanity into session!" Graydon Creed shouted to the throng of supporters. A resounding cheer went up. "Today we will show that humans are the dominant species of the planet! Today we will show that we will not go quietly into extinction! Today…" He trailed off as he spotted one of his members in the front row. "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HOOD?"

A FOH member with a pink hood fidgeted with his fingers. "Uh well I had to do the laundry today because my wife had to visit her sister in Toledo. And I didn't know that colors and whites don't mix." 

"Idiot," Someone snickered as did many others. 

"Hey at least I didn't tye dye mine on purpose!" He snapped. 

"Hey I have a sense of fashion," The FOH with the tye dyed hood said. "So sue me." 

"You want to talk fashion?" Another member wearing an outfit lined with sequins. "Check out this baby!"

"Oooh nice!" The man standing next to him fingered the material. "Is that silk?"

"Where did you get that?" Another asked. "It must have cost a fortune!"

"Oh no I got it on sale at this…"

"Can we get back to the business at hand here?" Creed snapped. "It is time for us to rise up against the menace of the mutant race!" 

"YEAH!" The crowd cheered.

"It is time to reclaim our planet!"

"YEAH!" 

"It is time to exterminate the vermin once and for all!" Creed shouted in his loudest voice.

It suddenly got very quiet. "Um," Someone said. "Are you talking about actually…killing them?" 

"YES!" Creed snapped. 

"Well don't you think that's a little extreme?" One member asked.

"Yeah we don't really want to hurt anybody even if they are mutants," Another said. 

"WHAT?" Creed shouted. 

"Couldn't we start off small, like eliminating them from country clubs and golf courses?" One member asked. 

"I suggest we write a very strong letter!" One shouted.

"That's a great idea!" Another said. The room was buzzing with suggestions.

"We could hold a fashion show!"

"A sit in! Like the good old days in the Sixties!" 

"Let's hold a tea party!" 

"A bake sale would be great!" 

"I could make scones!"

"I've got a great recipe for double chocolate brownies!" 

"WILL ALL OF YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!" Creed snarled. "THIS IS THE FRIENDS OF HUMANITY NOT THE PTA! WE'RE FIGHTING FOR OUR SURVIVAL AND YOU ALL WANT TO HOLD A TEA PARTY? ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MINDS?" 

"Well you don't have to yell," A big burly man sniffed. 

"All right," Creed groaned. "All right. Let me show you people how this should be done! Rover 1!" 

A huge man in military fatigues stormed out. He was carrying something in a sack. "Rover 1 reporting for duty sir!" 

"Gentlemen this is a soldier," Creed said. "This is the type of man who will win the war against mutants! The type of man we need in this outfit!"

"The type of man who will show you the body of the enemy!" Rover 1 shouted as he reached into the sack. "Behold the mutant menace!" He pulled out the body. 

"Rover 1," Creed said after a long silence. "That's not a mutant. That's a squirrel."

"Well, it's a mutant squirrel."

"No it isn't."

"Yes it is," Rover 1 said. "Its fur is purple."

"That's because you died it purple." 

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did."

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did."

"No I didn't."

"You did and I can tell because you still have purple dye on your hands!" Creed snapped. 

Rover 1 looked down. "Oh. So I do. Well then I did do it." 

"Rover 1," Creed glared at him. "Where is the mutant I sent you to kill?"

"Uh…" Rover 1 looked around. "Not here."

"I can see that it's not here," Creed said. "Where is it?"

"It…got away?" 

"And how did it get away may I ask?"

"Well…" Rover 1 scratched his head. "You see…the thing of it is…This is really funny…Um…"

"We're waiting," Creed folded his arms.

"I never exactly got around to hunting down a mutant," Rover 1 fidgeted. "You know how it is. Work, do the laundry, do the shopping, go visit relatives, clean the house. The thing is, I just didn't have time to go hunt mutants this week." 

"But you did have time to bag yourself a squirrel and paint it purple," Creed snarled. 

"Oh all right I didn't want to do it!" Rover 1 snapped. "I didn't want to kill a mutant because my sister's one. There! Are you happy?"

Shocked gasps filled the crowd. "Oh like I'm the only one who's got a mutant relative!" Rover 1 snapped. "I know Johnson's kid is one and so is Robertson's. Jeremy's got a cousin and two aunts that can fly. Frank's got a kid brother that can make fire come out of his eyes. And you Graydon, well…You got a whole family full of them!"

"Shut up," Creed snapped.

"Listen to this folks, he's got a half brother and sister that are mutants as well as both of his parents!" Rover 1 told the shocked crowd.

"Be quiet!" Creed shouted. 

"No wonder the man has such psychological problems," Rover 1 continued. "When his mom rejected him for being human he cried for weeks!" 

"I told you that in strictest confidence!" Creed hissed. "Don't you know pillow talk is…never mind!"

"Oh yeah never mind!" Rover 1 snapped. "Never mind my feelings! Never mind all the nights I cooked you dinner and you didn't come home until…"

"Rover 1 now is not the time to talk about this!" Creed snapped. 

"I don't believe it!" One man shouted. "Our leader's fruit cup! We have Tinkerbell for a leader!" 

"Well that's not a very tolerant attitude," Rover 1 sniffed. 

"Yeah why don't you shut up!" A man in a purple hood snapped. 

"Why don't you shut up!" 

"Make me!" Soon they were all fighting each other. Except for one man who was trying to calm the crowd by singing 'Let's Give Peace a Chance' before someone punched him in the mouth. 

"Oh forget it!" Creed stormed out. "I give up! Let the mutants take over the planet! They couldn't screw it up any more than we have!" 


End file.
